Commodore Remix

Hello there. I'd like to say I was a happy bunny, but I'm far from it.

It's ten in the morning and I haven't been to bed. In fact, the when I last woke up it was 8:30 pm, on saturday, or whatever. Sod it, I'm confusing myself. Lets just say that I'm suffering from bizzare sleeping patterns.

Let me get to the point. I'm going through one of the most lonely, frustrating, boring and depressing times of my life. I had big plans last summer. I was going to move out. Right now, I should be miles away from this shitty little seaside town where I seem to be destined to stay until death or apocalypse. I'm still stuck here thanks to certain two-faced, bullshitting "friends". It's made worse by the fact that over the last year lots of my real friends have dropped off the face of the earth. Only the bad kind of friend remains. I'm sure you know what I mean. The ones who hang around you and offend every sensibility you have, but you simply don't have the heart to tell them to go away. Nobody is being very helpful at the moment.

I think my mental health is failing. I feel physically wrecked, lethargic and generally unpleasant. My weight has dropped to 8 stone, eleven pounds. It's just wrong. I don't drink too much, I don't touch drugs and I try my hardest to find a niche, yet nothing is coming together. I'm not one of those gothy types who gets off on this crap and I cannot stand self pity. I'd much rather be happy, but I can't make it happen. I've got to wait nearly a month before I can see a doctor about this and I'm not optimistic. The last time I sought medical attention, they simply told me there was nothing wrong with me, that I wasn't depressed and should just get on with my life. Helpful, eh?

What's keeping me going? Not much. The latest Green Day album, a new series of Doctor Who after christmas, the next Star Wars movie, endless cups of tea and the songs I've been writing and recording over the past few months. Apart from the songs, none of these things feels like a worthy investment of my time. And even then, the song-writing thing seems a tad pointless, even though I do think they're good.

So, what am I posting this rambling rubbish here for? Most of you guys are older and wiser than me and I know some of you have been through similar situations or much worse. Until Dec 1st, I'm pretty much on my own, so any advice is much appreciated. Thanks.

Hey Maindrian,

this sounds like you should have a really big change in your life. You said you had plans to move away; stick to that. Draw the line, don't tell your "pseudo-friends" do go away, just leave them behind. If there's nothing left for you in this place you live in, what's holding you up? I know, people are always afraid of changes, but sometimes you just have to make the step into the unknown. Find a new perspective in life, meet new people.

Don't know if this is any help to you, just what my feeling tells me. I wish you all best of luck to get through this crisis, there will be a time for you when you will be happy again - that's for certain. It's always like that.

Have a nice sunday,

- Markus

Hi Maindrain,

I'm always sympathetic to someone who's going through these types of problems having been there myself. I am recovered now and have managed to get my life back in order.. I don't forget it though.

As far as advice goes, you don't WANT or NEED advice. ALL advice is wrong! and ultimately won't help.. infact it will more than likely just cause extra confusion and misery. What you DO need is someone who will listen and not be judgemental, just a simple ear or a shoulder to listen and talk.

It's this type of thing that pulls you through. Talking about it eventually helps you kick the depressive state on your head. Yes, You'll need councelling and maybe the odd pill to help you through.

Don't believe the negative stories above anti-depressents either. Alot of myths are surrounded by these things, they DOOO help!

i won't give you advice maindrain, cos what is right for one person is so often wrong for another person. What i will offer is an ear... Just e-mail me if you want or need someone to talk to. Got all the time in the world.

Neil

Aww, shit! These are bad news.

Can't give you any good ideas, I am still on the search myself.
You search for help, that's a good start. Bloody slow process but otherwise you would remain where you are now, deep in shit. And worse.

Maindrain, good luck, pal!



P.S.: If you want, you can mail about your progress or rant about stupid medical bureaucracy. I started attending counselling some months ago.

Cheers guys. Feeling slightly better now. To be honest, I was at my lowest writing that post.

Just had these moments where I feel like bursting into tears, or screaming or something. I'm getting tetchy and unsociable, ocasionally attacking inanimate objects. It's gotten silly. I'll try to be a bit more honest when I see the Doc. And I think anti-depressants are the last thing left to be honest.

On the plus side, like I say, feeling slightly better, gotten some sleep. It can only go up from here. Hopefully.

great to hear your feeling slightly better..

Anti-depressents arn't the answer on their own... They only take the edge off it... The black days are still black, but not as black as before (if you get my drift).

The combination of the pills and good councelling is the key!!!! The councelling is the major factor, but they work hand in hand.

Having a sympathetic friend to talk to does wonders too.