Then it happened... the thing that I've been fearing for the last 2 years; my girlfriend ended our relationship.
11 years together, and two children... I was finally ready to settle down, tackle my depression and social anxiety, and then this happens. 11 years open hole in the soul that will never really heal. I'm back to where I were 11 years ago... god damned, It's hard to handle right now.
Well... I keep telling myself, that I cannot let go now that I was so close to success, but I'm still trying to find a reason... I'm trying to find a reason to just want to live...
Well... sorry to bother you guys with this, but It's so lonely sitting here all alone with these thoughts in my one-room apartment. I think I'll go see my mother and sister... can't stand it here anymore...
Man i feel for you. Been there myself mate. Two kids and 8 years of partnership/marriage and it collapsed in a drop of the hat. Completely know what you going through mate. You need an ear mate, drop me a line, i dunno if i'll heal any wounds but its not a thing you should go through alone.
Thanks for the offer to talk with you. I'm sorry I've not contacted you until now but, as you surely know, I've had quite a few things on my mind lately. I'm feeling much better today, having thought about my relationship and life, and I've come to the conclusion, that the hardest part is not to get over the girl, it's that god damn life that is hard to get over. When you have had a life for 11 years, and suddenly get ripped out of it without any chance of doing anything about it, it feels like you loose your life... in the beginning I'd had wished it was like "loosing a life" in a C64 game, so that you just take a new one and try again, but FORTUNATELY that is not so. It's for the better of it, and I now know, that it'll be much better to get on with that new life, than hold yourself to the old wrinkled one that just does not work anymore. There is just that sweet thorn in your side that will always be there: Children.
In the meantime I've gotten to know a new girl through dating services, that I'm to meet for the first time this very friday. Got damn'it I'm nervous, but exited! :O) ...
So basically, don't worry for me anymore, I've refound myself, and the lust for making music again. I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel!
And thanks to Tom and Lagerfeldt for the compassion... It's really appreciated! :O)
Thanks anyways Tas! :O)
Nice to know that you've got friends, even though we've never met, but maybe bitlive 2004? ;O)
Regards, Jess D. Skov-Nielsen (Razmo).
P.S. Next tune from me will be a remix of R1D1 :O)
It has this VERY special mood that if you do NOT get it right, it ALL falls to the ground. I'm having the same feel with another piece I'm doing; Fred's "Mutants". I've tried to capture that initial "wobbly" sound that gives such a strong feeling, but I've not mannaged to get it right yet. I may have to accept, that I'll end up with a sample of that loop :O/
We'll see...
I'll see if it comes in handy for me. The biggest prob. with this sound is that it gives me such a great sensation of mutating cells multiplying (just close your eyes and imagine). I've tried recreating that sound with both a Korg Z1, Korg DW8000, Oberheim Matrix-1000 and a Waldorf Pulse, but NONE seems to be able to do it (or maybe it's me!?)... I've sampled the waveform of the original and analyzed it, but it's tricky. I've even SID2MIDI'fied it to make sure I got the notes right... nothing works until now.
Fortunately, I'm talking closely with the maker of the MIDIBox SID synthesizer, and have helped Thorsten out with some improvements, and when I find the solution to this MUTANT sound, I'll see if I can do it, and if not, I'll code a bit of PIC, and give it to Thorsten to implement. I WANT THAT SOUND! ... The thing I want is to have THAT sound, but with added complexity (more oscillators running etc.).
When I want something, I work hard to get it yes! ;O)
Another thing I've tried to recreate using other synths is the SID trademark that I call "MELODY SYNCRONIZATION". Hubbard used this A LOT in his tunes. I mean, normaly you can synchronize oscillators to eachother on almost any synth, but if you want to control the melody of individual oscillators, I'm lost on conventional synths. If you for example take one melody on one oscillator and then another melody for another and sync one oscillator to the other, you get some rather interresting sounds. Especially if both oscillators are playing at the same time. I know of NO synth that can do this exept for maybe the Nord Modular, I don't know, since I've not tried it before I sold my Micro Modular :O(
I'm sure that MIDI file will do the trick: just look at what it does: it plays a high pitched note before the main note, and then fiddles with the frequency of the note on the sustain.
To do sync, you have to choose a synth where the detune between oscillators can be altered using midi controller NRPNs. Then for each note you have to work out what the detune offset would be to make the other oscillator play a completely different note.
Let's say you want to play a detuned note where the note on one voice of the SID is C, and the other is E. You need a sound where one oscillator is detuned 4 semitones up from the other. However, as the tune plays, this detune interval isn't constant and keeps changing, and needs to be recalculated. You could also do it by creating a number of SysEx each of which changes the detune interval to something different, and trigger those as needed.
Complicated isn't the word... it's mostly due to the SID's unique ability to use one melodic line as the input to an effect on another voice. Same with Ringmod of course.
