Why the north of England is the best place in the UK

[tas]

The North

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the clouds.

"Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it
Earth and its going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth,"For example,
North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot
and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white
people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of
land and asked, "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the north of England, the most glorious place on
earth.

There are beautiful people, seven great cities in Yorkshire alone, and many
impressive towns; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians,
writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from North England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,"What about
balance God, you said there will be balance?"

God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the set of w@nkers I'm putting
down South!!"

[C64GLeN]

lol, true

[Infamous]

oi!

[Chappers]

The North

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the clouds.

"Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it
Earth and its going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth,"For example,
North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot
and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white
people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of
land and asked, "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the north of England, the most glorious place on
earth.

There are beautiful people, seven great cities in Yorkshire alone, and many
impressive towns; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians,
writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from North England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,"What about
balance God, you said there will be balance?"

God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the set of w@nkers I'm putting
down South!!"

Just as the man said.

What was missing was a reference to this excerpt from Fred Trueman's bestseller "God Were A Clever Fella, Oh Aye"..... *

".......and ye those people from the North were endowed with supreme knowledge, sexual voraciousness and large phallic appendages. The local women were known to exclaim the phrase "hung like horses" in celebration of this great honour bestowed upon them......."

Feel proud to be Northern. Oh aye.

Paul






* Not really, but it's possible considering the rubbish that Fred has fronted in the past. Indoor League, anyone?

[Waz]

Not really, but it's possible considering the rubbish that Fred has fronted in the past. Indoor League, anyone? :)

Gosh, yes. The skill and dexterity of a portrait painter.. in other words, he's good at shove ha'penny ;)

Na'then. I'll se' thee.. etc.

Anyone who's also seen the We Know Where You Live, Live! DVD will have giggled at the Four Yorkshiremen sketch. I know I did. Even if Harry Enfield kept going "t' to the mill" which of course wrong.

[Waz]

Ten other reasons why the North is great:

* It costs much less to live here. House prices are lower, the cost of everyday shopping is lower, etc.
* We have the best record shops. Well we do here in Manchester anyway, and it's called Vinyl Exchange. I'm sure Dan can vouch for it ;)
* From a C64 point of view, there was the likes of Gremlin Graphics, Ocean/Imagine, English Software etc all based up here.
* Most of the best bands of the 1980s that I grew up with were from the North: The Housemartins, New Order, The Smiths, Echo and the Bunnymen, The Fall etc etc
* The people in the North are much more friendly than some obnoxious people who treat you like dirt, especially in London.
* We have a better sense of humour, represented by comedians like Peter Kay for example.
* The North was the birth of the first real soap opera - and still the best IMO - and that's Coronation Street.
* The modern day computer was invented in Manchester in 1948, making the North its birthplace.
* The North proudly and successfully hosted the 2002 Commonwealth Games with 17 different events - London couldn't even organise the 2005 World Athletics Championships - one event for f**k's sake - and lost the rights to host it
* The first English football club team was formed in Sheffield, in the North!

Well there's just a few......

[tas]

and don't forget... REAL BITTER!!! not piss water

[Chappers]

I can almost sense the mass army of Southerners poised on the horizon waiting to retaliate.....

Either that or a fight in the car park afterwards.

Paul