Women .....

Vosla · Post by **Vosla** » 11/05/2006 - 19:08

Yup. If there's a problem here, a pm should do the trick.

I always thought we harassed people quite evenly in here without regards to orientation and nationality.

It seems it's more a serious problem of the angle of view.

Tonka · Post by **Tonka** » 11/05/2006 - 19:54

"I'm not prejudiced - I HATE EVERYONE EQUALLY!"

Just kidding

... Nah, not really...

Tonka

Armand · Post by **Armand** » 13/05/2006 - 13:48

@ Vosla - pm's can lighten a mood rather quickly!

@ Tonka - hehehehehehehehe...just thinking maybe I should put a joke up???

Chris Abbott · Post by **Chris Abbott** » 13/05/2006 - 14:07

I'm a bit nervous of people who are afraid of people who are afraid of homophobes.

Which makes me a homophobephobephobephobe.

Chris

Tonka · Post by **Tonka** » 13/05/2006 - 17:38

Chris Abbott wrote:I'm a bit nervous of people who are afraid of people who are afraid of homophobes.

Which makes me a homophobephobephobephobe.

Chris

I once saw a transvestite listening to the radio in the back of a Ford Transit van.

A tranny listening to a tranny in the back of a tranny...

(Yeah - not as funny, but along the same lines)!..

Tonka

Armand · Post by **Armand** » 21/05/2006 - 23:23

Ok, guys and gals - here's some humour then...

You know you're not a kid anymore when...

-You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

-You constantly talk about the price of petrol.

-You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

-You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

-You make an appointment to see the dentist.

-You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

-Neighbors borrow your tools.

-People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

-You have dreams about prunes.

-You answer a question with "because I said so!"

-The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

-You take a metal detector to the beach.

-You wear black socks with sandals.

-You know what the word "equity" means.

-You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.

-Your ears are hairier than your head.

-You talk about good grass and you're referring to someone's lawn.

-You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

-You record BBC news and weather so you can watch it later.

-You go bowling without drinking.

-You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it."

Nickenstien · Post by **Nickenstien** » 22/05/2006 - 17:47

-You go bowling without drinking.

haha

Armand · Post by **Armand** » 24/05/2006 - 22:47

Glad you liked it, Nick - here's another one;

The Borg versus Microsoft
"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is 'Microsoft'?"

Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

Data "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."

Picard "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."

Fifteen minutes later . . .

Data "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."

Geordi "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

Picard "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed."

Data "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Apparently, the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

Riker "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."

Geordi, excited "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

Picard "Data, what do your scanners show?"

Data "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

Picard "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality."

Two hours pass . . .

Riker "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"

Geordi "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have set up, our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.

Picard "How much time will that buy us ?"

Data "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."

Geordi "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

Picard "Identify."

Data "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"

Over the speakers:
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

Data "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

Picard "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

Riker "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"

Data "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer, I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"

Riker and Picard together horrified "Lawyers !!"

Geordi "It can't be. All the lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

Data "True, but apparently some must have survived."

Riker "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."

Data "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape'. I understand that it often proves fatal."

Riker "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"

Picard "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that!"

Nickenstien · Post by **Nickenstien** » 25/05/2006 - 2:52

HAHA

Geordi, excited "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

Picard "Data, what do your scanners show?"

Data "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

Vosla · Post by **Vosla** » 25/05/2006 - 20:41

Armand · Post by **Armand** » 03/06/2006 - 13:24

Love that one, Nick.

I think I missed that one on my travels - must tell that to my mates!