An Apology

[Chappers]

Hey mate, glad to hear. Keep it up and heat yourself at your computer's vent.

Hehe, thanks LMan. Unfortunately, my needs for some warmth are a tad more urgent having heard that the weather for my region is going to get worse towards the weekend! It's already into minus temperatures so I'm not hanging about and will be leaving the house very soon for a portable heater so I've at least got some heating on the go.

Reminds me of the 1st time I moved from home, sharing a house with a few other teenagers. The room I had was so cold that there was frost on the INSIDE of the window!

[merman]

Chappers you frozen ponce! Glad to hear you're feeling better.

[Bog]

Eyes to the skies, Chappers. Keep on slugging.

You ponce.

[Waz]

Had a counselling session yesterday where I got a lot off my chest. It went really well. Feel a bit brighter than before but obviously long way to go still.

Small steps at a time are usually the best way to go about it, and I'm sure you're heading in the right direction for yourself. And we're all still here for you, I promise you that.

You know full well if ever you need a scenery change (with Ellie of course) you know where I am.

Glad to hear (apart from the lack of heating) things are slowly approaching a small light at the end of a tunnel for you. The form of Grimsby Town should be a help as well!

Hang in there squire.

[Chappers]

Hi everyone

I wanted to follow up on my news from a while back, about my depression problems. Just some bits I need to air.

I'm sorry to everyone on here, who thinks or possibly thinks that I've been ignoring them, especially since I got back online in May. It couldn't be further from the truth. I've not felt up to tuning into the Slay Radio shows or IRC for a while now due to feeling very depressed & not feeling very social at all.

I've been attempting to keep as level a state of mind as possible, to get my life back on track after being an idiot with my money for so many years. I nearly got my house repossessed and nearly went bankrupt early this year. I owe money to some of my friends, which I've still to sort out. I've let them down in a big way, but I will resolve that when I can.

I hope people on here will respect and understand this post. I've needed to say this as it's been bothering me that, in my opinion, I've given the impression that I don't care about my friends. I do care about them but I just "shut down" effectively and am only now recovering that lost ground.

A final apology for anyone who has found the above text a bit too deep for their liking. I just had to get this lot off my chest.

Chappers

[merman]

Dude, hugs and positive vibes heading your way when you need 'em...

...and if you are ever down Skegness way, let me know!

[Analog-X64]

You are not alone in no shape or form... First you have you're family who will support you and secondly you have us here.

Although we are not physically there with you, we can for sure offer emotional support.

We all have times in our lives that things just seem to go downhill but no way out.

Have you consulted professional help to manage you're depression? Might be a good start.

Posting here as well is a good way towards getting better.

[LMan]

Hey Chappers, I'm certain that noone felt offended by anything. Everyone knows the feeling when you don't want to see or hear anything, some times you just need time for yourself, to sort things out. That's totally okay, and there is really no need at all to apologise for anything. (no I'm not gay)

[tas]

I wish i had shut down really while i was going through the similar thing - Instead i tried to continue in doing what i had always done whilst at the same time mentally i was unable to. This pretty much left me frustrated and angry and I became more and more angry as time went on to the point decisions which i made were often wrong and misjudged. I lost a few friends during that time, of course naturally they didn't understand that i was infact making an effort - Fortunately, many of my friends knew me better and although they probably never did understand what i was going through bore with me - Those friends remain very dear to me.

In the end i shut down, became a recluse and instead of trying to continue in what i had always done, I worked on myself and slowly got better.

Everyone deals with these things in their own ways and the best of people will understand that.

[Moad'Dib]

Dear Chappers!

I can't say any clever idea what solve your situation. But....

Every time I find myself in trouble I try to keep two things in my mind:

1. Everything in our life happening with us, has a reason leaded by FAITH. Faith wants to show us something. No matter if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Faith wants to us to realize the situation or understand the meaning of this situation. After you realized and understand the roots, the meaning of this situation, then you'll find the key out. No medicines, no doctors but you can only heal this.

2. It is stupid, but if you look around then you'll find a lot of people in worse situations as yours. There always are people in worse situation than we are. It gives you some strenght when you realise your problem is dwarfed by these people's problem.

I hope I could help you some... and good luck!

[LMan]

Moad'Dib: can't agree more with you on both points.

[Chappers]

Thanks for the supportive posts everyone. The issue of insecurity is one I still continue to fight.

I will say it was more a "getting off my chest" post than looking for answers. I have got the professional help with a counsellor, which is helping. Having inconsistent days with high and low confidence but, on the whole, things are improving definitely, mentally speaking.

@ Moad'Dib: You are quite right on both points. On the latter, this was a mind-over-matter thing for me to tell myself it's not as bad as it could be. This is why it's taken time to get some control back.

@ Tas: Your post has really helped me to put into perspective what I've been going through. It's weird but I felt bad for going into my shell, feeling I had let down others for what looked like a backwards step for me at the time. I know I did the right thing overall, as it helped for me to rationalise and focus on improving myself. Thanks mate.

I've never felt alone by this problem, more not wanting to be a burden on others. It's always been the case with me of putting others first at the expense of myself, which has resulted in the problems I documented. It's been the sponge soaking everything up till it can't soak up any more. I guess that the issue of finally putting myself first has made me challenge how I prioritise my life and to not feel guilty for putting myself first.

[Vosla]

Glad to hear from you, Chappers!

This depression shite is quite a burden for everybody experiencing it and to caring relatives and friends. I hope you will recover soon... at least to the point that you don't need professional help anymore...

About the friends part: if your friends know what you are going through they do understand... and lend you a hand if you ask them to do so.

Well, it would be rediculous to call myself a friend of yours; I'm just a bunch of words to you but we are part of the same community here and this community does not let you down!

[Chappers]

Just thought I would poke my head in here, for an update....

Sorry to everyone that I've been away from here for a while, but sorting my head out has taken me a lot longer than I expected. Still doing a lot of jobseeking, but with very little reward at the moment.

It's been difficult to keep it together mentally, hence my staying away from the scene. I'm aware that my situation could be far worse and am keeping as positive as possible until I can improve things (financially and mentally).I'm also aware there are people out there suffering more than me, people known to me. They are in my thoughts always and will be repaid when it is possible to do so.

Will update this further when things pick up.

Chappers

[Vosla]

Chuck wants you to succeed!

I know : I do too!