Bad Joke of the Day

[Steve B]

Heisenberg gets stopped on the motorway by the police.

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going sir?

Heisenberg: No, but I know exactly where I am.

dabum ching.

[SkyMarshall Arts]

Haha ... oh god

* What do you call a video of pedestrians?
* Footage.

Badum-tssh!

[harryroy]

Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

[Vosla]

A man in a restaurant, adressing the waiter:
"Good man, I would like to have three eggs."
Waiter: "Me too. Me too."

[JimHansen]

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?

A: Their middle name.

[Analog-X64]

Q: Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

A: To keep its Nuts Dry.

[analoq]

Did you ever notice how bananas work the opposite of traffic lights?
For bananas, green means STOP, yellow means GO and red means where the hell did you get that banana?!

[Dumper]

Q: Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

A: To keep its Nuts Dry.

Now i know why Squirrley does the back stroke.

[Steve B]

Q: How is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music?

A: If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat

[Steve B]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, 'I think I’ve lost an electron.'
The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive…'

[Thunderer]

What do you call a fly with no wings.

A walk.

[LuminousMonkey]

Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A: It was hit by a pool table.

Q: Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the first one.

Q: Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure.

[Thunderer]

Why did the kangaroo get killed?

Because he tripped over the koalas.

[Steve B]

What did c:\DARTHVADER say to c:\DARTHVADER\LUKESKYWALKER.EXE ?


"I am your folder"



sorry

[Chris Abbott]

What did Darth Vader say to Luke Skywalker when he was washing him?

"I am your Bather"

(works best with posh accent)