Commodore Remix

You can add me to the list of sufferers, i've been on anti-depressants for nearly ten years, sorry to hear about your problems Sonic your depression certainly doesn't show in your excellent music. I hope you can release more remixes next year and i hope things get better for you.

I've decided to write my December editorial about this: and in fact my argument is that depression DOES show in the music we create: and makes it better

Oh yeah, and said editorial is already online.

Chris

An interesting thought there Chris, i suspect you've probably hit the nail on the head too. Something that made me reflect a bit actually. During the happier times of my life i created remix64 v1, listen to it and it's a fun, bouncy and happy CD full of good vibes. Listen to volume 2 and it's a diffent picture completely. Much more serious, more emotional, more reflective.

Creating volume 1 was pretty much straight forward, i was full of energy and it was novel, something i hadn't done before and yes it was a challenge which i enjoyed. Doing volume 2 was hard, Very hard. Fighting a long road of depression/anger and severe lack of motivation i had to battle through this and it was not easy, the last thing on my mind was a bloody remix CD. Battle i did, and because of this anger,frustration i became much more critical, much more investigative. Though feeling very angry and exceptionally depressed i had to finish what i started, i wasn't going to let anyone down. Not now! I felt i had let enough people down already in my personal life, although the truth be told i hadn't let anyone down, i just felt iscolated and vulnerable and extremely angry.

I'm about 80% recovered and i can look back now and think yes, musically i made some very good decisions, personally i made a lot of mistakes. why? because depression had taken over my life, simple comunication wasn't easy and infact i felt angry towards everyone despite them having no reason to make me angry.

When you hit depression your life changes, it destroys you. It's a terrible thing to have to go through and no one can make your life better. Nice kind words don't even help, infact they can make you feel worse. Fortunately i have just about come through the other end, tho i'm scared terribly because of it. I've changed so much in so little time. Unaturally so.

anyone who suffers with Depression has my fullest Sympathy, and especially sonic who's one of the nice guys.

Hmm, so you guys feel depressed just because of nothing ?
I feel like shit because of my stupid job, and I know it will all get better
when I have a new one.
And ofcourse life was more fun in the time before I grew up, when women
meant nothing and when they weren´t able to do any harm.

> Hmm, so you guys feel depressed just because of nothing ?

No, there is a generally a biological reason too: sometimes to do with seratonin levels in the brain. And you don't "feel" depressed: that's just "feeling sad": you ARE depressed.

Also depression exists in a bipolar form, in which the sufferer actually has intense high moods as well as intensely low ones: I would guess a lot of creative work happens during the "up" on these moodswings, but no matter what, you're always going to come down again. The other mode of depression is "unipolar".

Chris

Putzi: thats exactly how i thought before i suffered with it. You don't realise just how powerful a thing like Depression is until you suffer with it.

Holy s...! :O/

And I thought I was the only one around with severe depression!? ... You can add me to the list too. I'm also on antidepressive medicin (helps keep the blackest of days away, though it'll NEVER cure the problem). On top of that I'm suffering from Social Fobia, and have been on wellfare my whole life (I'm 33 years old!),so you can understand what I have to deal with, when I REALLY want to attend to a future BIT LIVE arrangement! (?).

I once read that you will never become a "true" musician until you've been ALL the way down, and suffered from broken love... hmmm, maybe there's something to it?...

Putzi said
Hmm, so you guys feel depressed just because of nothing ?

In my case depression was brought on by many events that have happened to me which i choose not to bring up on here.

Razmo said
On top of that I'm suffering from Social Fobia,

I also suffer from Social Phobia but it is something i have been dealing with very well over the last couple of years and i also would of liked to go to a BIT event and hopefully i will in the future.

There is always hope for everyone and there are places that provide excellent help as support is always vital for improvement.

I had to eat antidepressives last year when I was away (wich some of you might remember), and the doctors think I quit the pills too early, hence my "re-depression".
I suffer from severe moodswings, blended with moments of glory and pitchblack feelings of emptiness and uselessness. My wife is very understanding, but do not always have the strength to put up with me. I used to like going out to pubs and discos, but since a while back (quite a long time when I think of it) I can't stand even *being* in a pub for a long time. I feel pshysically ill, and want nothing higher than to go home, and get peace and quiet. There are times when I enjoy it though, but I can't forsee when those times will occur. It's a game of chance. I honestly don't know when I last enjoyed something good enough to have a laugh or get that bussing feeling.
I had to start eating pills again, and this time I do not know for how long. Neither do the doctors. It's all depending on the recovery process.
I have to try get some sparetime interest (besides remixing), and get some new friends to hang with and do stuff. Just sitting home, and not moving or meeting anybody makes me gain more wight, sink deeper inte the black hole, and isolate me even more. I don't know or regognize myself two thirds of the time I'm awake. Maybe that's why I've started sleeping up to 12 hours every night. And when I get up, I mostly feel blank and/or stressed. I can't get started doing things of importance, because I frankly don't give a damn. I got out of it last time, if even just for a short while, and I'm determined to make it out this time too. This time I noticed the warningsignals earlier, and forced myself to get treatment immediately.
I'm not giving in to this purgatory of the human mind.

Salut to all else that truly know your own selfdestructive tendendes!

I think that description sonic just about says depression perfectly. I echo those sentiments. I've too been on the strongest of anti-depressents, tho my reaction to them sent me further into depression (they didn't work for me). Knowing times where bad, my doc sent me to a shrink stating i was near to having a breakdown. The councelling helped and slowly i came out of the other side. I'm close to being back to my old self, but still suffer every now and then.

Dumper, I know what you are going through. Part of my problem is agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces. For nearly 8 YEARS I couldn't leave the house for more than a few minutes. BUT! I'm getting better. I did have counselling when I was younger, but the stress of getting to the sessions actually made things worse. Fortunately I am slowly conquering my fear, and going to two Back in Times has been part of that!

As for the link between creativity and depression/torment, it's something I find interesting. I know there are two sides to myself - the creative person and the analytical/scientific person. In fact, I did a psychometric test on a website recently that showed exactly that!

merman wrote:Dumper, I know what you are going through. Part of my problem is agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces. For nearly 8 YEARS I couldn't leave the house for more than a few minutes. BUT! I'm getting better. I did have counselling when I was younger, but the stress of getting to the sessions actually made things worse. Fortunately I am slowly conquering my fear, and going to two Back in Times has been part of that!

My mum suffers from an acute form of agoraphobia & still has trouble leaving the house so I know from what she tells me that it's a very, very frightening experience.

Btw, I must say how well you did coping at the pre-Bitlive footy kickabout & the time taken getting to the Prodigal in Brighton. If you had problems, I wasn't aware of it. Keep up the good work!

Paul

FWIW, I experience periodic crashing depression, and periodic highs where you couldn't make my feet touch ground even if you dropped aircraft carriers on me.

I feel massively awkward in social situations. Probably one of the reasons I'm always rat-arsed at BITs.

Ho hum. Nuff 'sed.

Uh... count me in for the ranks... :/
The creative part is interesting... I studied arts and still let them pencils dance...
People use to call me the "man with a thunderstorm above his head" for my
usual bad temper.

Frightening how many suffer here from that menace...

Never would have guessed you have a temper Vosla. You seem to be one of the more calmer/diplomatic characters on the board.