nothing is as hard as life.... sry to bother

[Zzr]

Dont know why i even post it here, but at moment i need to talk to anyone somehow...

i havent been active at creating music so much lately, since i was pretty busy with my girlfriend being pregnant.

now she was in the hospital because she became bleedings wich didnt stop anymore, and got operated... after she woke up again, she was informed that the docs cancelled her pregnacy, to save her since it seemed to be very dangerous for her life. so we lost our unborn child.

life sucks sometimes. now we try to get over it, wich is hard, specially for her... wish me luck, bringing her smile back to her

regards, a sad zzr

[Tonka]

Sorry to hear this Zzr.

I wish you both all the very best, and that you find your way through all this as painlessly as possible.

Tonka

[Lexx]

Hi Zzr,

that are such things which realy make the reallife a hard task to endure but at least ur girlfriend recieves real love & care from u which is the most important.
The fact that she lost a life inside her can't be forgotten so easy...especialy for a woman it's not possible as she feels like she felt to her child she could have born.

I don't know....i realy don't know to give tips as i never expierenced such tragedy sofar but what i know is that there are alot of couples on this planet which suffer the same sadness but trying to work up with this by joining professionel help & special group therapies which can be ery useful in this matter. Thanks to such mettings all relevant couples can share their emotions together. Communites are always a help. I'm not sure if ur trying - to cheer her up - will be enough. Perhaps she would start to acting a happy face by time to let u think that u don't have to worry about her so much. Women prefer this way often as THEY care so much about everything they appreciate with the heart truly. That's naturally.

Of course...u are the man...u have to be the strongest but to my opinion it is also important that a man shows his sadness to his beloved....so she will recognize that u suffer the same too & together it's alway easier. First u 2 should work it up. A deflection from this sad event doesn't make a sense at the moment.

U 2 have my deepest compassion,
i wish u all the best
Alex

[Zzr]

thanks for the kind words. right now i just feel all messed up. thought i would handle it better since my emotional bond wasnt so strong as hers, but that was a wrong thought. as time passes by it just feels worse atm.

all ill do now is keep supporting her, and try to make her get rid of feeling responsible.

what can i say, it wasnt planned to have her pregnant, and in the start she didnt want it, but then she switched her opinion and we started organising all future. i started growing into it and just became ready to become daddy. it just sucks to have this happen and i just dont cant get rid of it in my mind atm... might be that i posted on this forum to free myself a bit, iam a person that usually handles problems by talking about it.
youve been all nice people since i am here, so i felt safe to leave my problems here.

thanks for the words, and ill try to handle this situation for both me and my beloved lady, she will need it and i wont stop until she can handle it for herself.

regards and thanks

[Analog-X64]

I can't say that I understand how you feel, but I can say, I care.

In these kind of situations Love is the best cure, both of you need to show love to one another more than ever. You need to be strong for each other. The passing of time, and your love for one another will help cure the pain you are feeling right now.

She has to deal with the Physical, Emotional Pain and Hormonal changes, because of the Pregnancy so that is a lot to deal with, so you need to be there for her.

Time will Heal and Love is the best cure.

[Zzr]

after my girlfriend went to sleep i called a friend to accompany me. we moved to a car park house on the top floor where we could see the sky, and drank alcohol the whole night. i am a non-alcoholic. it takes me alot not to keep my typos here and i am drunk as i never was before. this is my personal weblog. i kept drinking the whole night and i puked a whole waterfall. the only thing left is the love to my girlfriend and the will to become a child, once the time is right. i am totally screwed up and i dont know how i will forget this by any time. this is a life experience as i never had before and i never thought it would be so hard. when she was pregnant i didnt realize it would mean so much to me. i promise by my mom my dad my brother and my soul i will do everything to have her come over this, to do all i can to come over it myself. some christ friend of her parents told her that this childs soul will now wait in heaven until it gets another chance to come to live. i am not believing in any religion but it is good for her to believe this might be true, maybe it will help her handling it. i really dont know any of you people at all but i need a place where i can speak the pain of my soul. no one is left in this second to listen to what i think so i come to you. please have patience, i am a father. i would have been a father. i wont ever forget the moment she told me its over. i wont ever forget this little sould wich didnt get his chance. i promise if we once get a child, i will sell my soul to the devil to have it get a good start into life. this is by far the most sad moment in my life and i hope one time i can look back and say it became better after it.

i hope i did not annoy anyone. its just that i am totally down, and i need to say anything. iam sorry, iam really sorry. i should maybe have talked to my real life friends, wich i will do tomorrow, but now and at this moment no one is awake anymore to help me with my pain so i just type my stuff here. it helps me to handle it, so please just accept it. i am sorry if i did wrong postng this but i hope you will understand it, and even if not understand, respect it.

i wish everonye of you not to get in this situation. it is by far the fucking worst i had in my life. good luck everyone. wish me luck. i go to sleep now.
regards.

[tas]

My heart felt condolences to you are your good other half.

Must be horrific for the both of you to come to to terms with. Wishing you both well!

[LMan]

Hey Zzr,

that is sad news indeed, I'm so sorry!

I remember how we felt when we lost our twin sons Luca and Noah in the 22nd week of pregnancy. That was 3 years ago, and the best advice I can give you is not to forget your child. You and your girlfriend must stick together now more than ever. You should keep everything that reminds you of your unborn child (ultrasound pictures, musical clocks, toys you eventually bought). Forgetting is the worst thing you could do, treasure the little memories that you have, for this child will always be part of your life.

You two need much strength right now, and you can only draw it from each other. Friends and family may not give you the understanding you need right now, many people do not understand what they cannot see.

With time, the pain will turn into bittersweet memories. And when one day you will hold your first healthy baby in your arms, you will be aware that it has a guardian angel that will take care of her/him. They are the children that can't be seen, yet they are always there.

I wish you all the best.

- Markus

[Lagerfeldt]

I feel your pain.

We just lost our pregnancy too. Fortunately only 9 weeks in.

We just have to try again

[Lexx]

some christ friend of her parents told her that this childs soul will now wait in heaven until it gets another chance to come to live.

I know it is the wrong place being offtopic but it's just as short. The friend of ur parents might be rather a bhuddist or a mixed of both as the christ's don't believe in reincarnation but just 1 life coin for everyone which is very absurd though to me U don't need to believe it but i as a bhuddist say....it's possible that ur child is looking up for his parents. Ur destiny & the child's are to meet together. That's for sure But when & where that is of course the question & that can be in nirvana/heaven or in one of the next future lives.

If it's solacing u....think about all the people on this planet who already suffering something. One guy is blind, the other mother has a child who is suffering cancer, there thousends who are hungry or in the middle of fights, there were many victims that lost their whole existence thanks to a thornado, hurrican or any kind of climatic catastroph with just one blow etc....but the most don't giveup & are somehow able to change their life by themselves. There is no God that helpes u with wonders & there is no lucifier that waits u in the hell. But there is Love & God inside u...that means...if u help someone or urself then it turn to happiness.

as u see...u & ur beloved are not alone, Lman & his beautiful sunflower expierenced hardships too but they kept thinking positiv....their sorrows have strengthen their relationship & i don't think that they will go apart ever.

Why do i write these examples as one that don't has experienced such a pain as u endure already U don't believe in any religion so it won't help when i say that i feel very old inside even when i'm just 29 this August. U are also right that i don't know what it is to loose a child as i didn't expierenced it in my actually life thankfully but it's easy for me to have compassion and that goes for the most here on this community too. I don't want to read such nonsense like "pls forgive me if i annoy u all"....

U don't need to have a bad conscience because it's very normal that u search for friends in any state of emotion As u & everyone has the right to share bad & positive emotions. And that's the thing why i see Communites are very important. So stop that nonsense pls, release ur emotions, talk to us as more as u need. As i wrote....everyone suffers good & bad things continuous. Everyone has his own pain's / expiernces to master & endure. It doesn't help u when u ask ur Lord as u are the one who hold's the key for ur own life. That means u can change it to worse or good. The qualaties of ur thoughts are the decisive factor which means....ur life is like in a car, where u try to learn a hard circuit. It will be always a challenge & i won't easy on any one but the reason...why we have to suffer is to find the true luck. And remember....u & ur girlfriend are an example that real love can't be bought but love can be sent & that's what u have to admit.... that u feel safe when u huge ur lovly girl. Isn't it
So that is the real medicine for u 2 & nothing else.

And also remember...u can controll ur life but not the destiny which is like the units in school u have to pass. But u can bet everything to good & a couple like u 2 are have the best qualifications to get a wonderful life. Even in situations like now. All u 2 need to do is what Lman said.....to believe in the strength of love

Alex

Ps: Sorry for my broken english. I hope i could explain correctly what i wanted to report to u. *tee hee*

[Vosla]

Possibly there is nothing to say to sooth your pain as this is a terrible loss.
Don't let anger and frustration feast upon your hope. Nobody could have done anything about it.

Your girlfriend and you have my full sympathy.

[Zzr]

where to start.... looking at my post count and registered time a can notice i usually dont rush any forums. i got my control back now a bit, and feel better, now as its out. not perfect, but who could. some of you had experiences quite similar to mine, some had not, some had others. i talked to friends in real life and i had more talk to my girlfriend. i talk again to you, wich are pretty much strangers, finding together by sharing the same interests. i once again thank you all for respecting my uncommon topic and helping me with sharing your own experiences, your helpful advices. since i usually am more a quiet person in public, it must have been alot emotion going on in me to be able to share my feelings with all you. uncommon for me but i dont regret it at all. youve been very friendly and helpful and i owe you a favor.
a real life friend offered my girlfriend to talk to a woman he knows, who also experienced pretty much the same, and she accepted, so it will happen soon. this woman lost her first child aswell, pretty much same way, but then got one some years later, and she will hopefully be a good talk partner to help her lose this feeling of being responsible.

one thing i already noticed, this situation brought us together already closer, and deeper as it was before, wich i, always trying to find positive things even in the worst stuff, just can welcome.

i always had the opinion she is a strong human, i still do. so i am pretty sure it will get ok after a while, we will handle it, we will try again another time and then be able to have our family.

thanks for the words, i really needed someone being with me this moments, and i am glad i could come here and being accepted and supported by you strangers. the thing i like in this world is solidarity. you gave me some and i surely wont forget it.

little side note in the end, it was a christ, but i think the religion didnt really matter, it would have been words to give her something she can think of in a positive way. handle death by reducing the....uhm i lack this english word.. maybe someone can translate "endgueltigkeit" , when something is really totally over and gone....

regards, and take care you all. i'll now work with the situation for a while until we both can say we are over it.

thank you all, a feeling some better zzr

[merman]

zzr, I am probably a stranger to you, but I am hoping for the best for you and your girlfriend at this tough time. I suppose I am lucky in that I have never had to go through such grief in my life so far.

The Web gives a definition for "endgueltigkeit" as finality, or the inevitability that something is over.

[Lexx]

Yes Endgültigkeit means Finalty (i'm from austria so i know german too) and religion isn't important as long as the people do care for others too. A clean heart & a positiv though is all we need.....then positiv karma happens.

I'm new to this community but i know remix64 as a longtime visitor and it took me a while until i have decided to introduce me to them as a member. One of the main-reason was the language problem. I always understood english but it was very hard to form sentences which are understandable to someone who realy knows a proper english. But today i feel much more confident about the language barrier that i will break through one day.

I need a community like remix64 because i'm seriöusly ill. I'm so in love with Chris Huelsbeck's Music & all the old retro-stuff that i extremely miss.....so there is a desire to share my interest's with the others. Therefore i get quotes, answers etc...back....then this makes me feel associated & therefore happy. And that's the reason in life....to become a part of the community, to become beloved by someone ur realy love, to get first love by the mother & so on.....as u see LOVE exists in all kind of realationships & so don't wonder that people want to share & helping u.

Apropos to share....I think it is a good idea that ur girl decided to talk with someone with the same experiences. That will clear her mind from negative thoughts & ur love will fill her with fresh energy... courage to face a "new" life. I personal know people in my family who had complicated births. My cousin had Caesarean with her first baby. Then the seond was born without. My grandma has born 6 children in her entire life. She is over 80, very strong will to live, i admire her strength....she suffered a hard life with a bad husband, had to move from hungary to austria which was a hard task due lack of money,...one of the 6 children died after it was born in a few weeks under a uncommon disease but was still able to give my mother a heahlty life. So as u can figure....the next try must not become the same And due all this climatetic problems ....there are so many things who can influcience the female body during the pregnancy. So there is for all couples a risk. Not the parents are responsible if something went wrong.

My grandma enjoys a good rent now what she realy deserves after a very hard life as mother of 6 kids & the miserable marriage. This old lady is happy now. And so it will happen to u & ur girl.

[gibs]

life sucks sometimes. now we try to get over it, wich is hard, specially for her... wish me luck, bringing her smile back to her
regards, a sad zzr

this kind of situation is always more difficult for the woman...tell her that she mustn't feel guilty....